I haven’t posted anything here in quite a while because it is impossible for me to write without talking about the thoughts and feelings at the forefront of my mind…but that hasn’t been an option until now.
As I announced on Facebook a few days ago, we will be moving away from Tuscaloosa in the coming weeks (or months, depending on how long our house takes to sell). Michael was promoted at work, and he will be taking over the management of maintenance operations for a plant that is a few hours from here on October 1. We have been working through the application, interview, and testing process for what seems like forever. The whole time was spent in this land of “don’t talk about the elephant in the room” which usually accompanies these things.
I wrote the following a few weeks ago, when I needed to put into words the struggle and chaos inside of me. I couldn’t hit “publish”–in fact I couldn’t even write past what you see here–because everything was so jumbled and uncertain.
I am in a strange season of my life right now where things aren’t changing at all, but are always one step away from changing dramatically.
This kind of constant limbo has a quicksand-like effect on me. I have real trouble keeping myself moving forward and accomplishing even the normal tasks of daily life.
This small spurt of introspection did, however, help me to push past the temporary paralysis I had been experiencing. I began working to make progress in whatever small way I could – regardless of what news (or lack of) the day might hold. I prayed for the grace to get through the day without being bogged down with worry. I didn’t force decisions that were creating stumbling blocks… I just tried to work around them.
I decided to work on projects which I would enjoy having finished regardless of whether we were to sell the house in the end.
I patched the walls and painted my laundry room a soothing green, reorganizing and reducing the pantry area as I went.
I refinished the chest of drawers in my bedroom instead of throwing it out and starting over.
We rearranged the kitchen and added cabinets/counters where there had been none. (I’ll have a few posts about this process soon–it deserves it.)
I purged so much junk from my house that Michael started hiding his tools and hunting gear in self-defense.
I fixed lingering minor cosmetic issues in the house which I usually just dealt with or overlooked–the broken hinge on the cupboard door, the missing knob on the drawer, the broken sprayer nozzle, etc.
I looked at my house and began to live in it intentionally, instead of by happenstance. The toaster, mixer, crock pot, blender, and food processor all found forever-homes instead of bouncing between surfaces. Things which had never really had a “place” were either given one or disposed of. If it isn’t TRULY useful or loved, it has to go.
Mainly though, I prayed–and I made progress. Little by little, day by day, sometimes hour by hour.
Then…the job was his. The waiting was over. The possibility is the reality.
And I’m still focused making progress. Thankfully, I’ve got a lot less ground left to cover now than if I had stayed in that quicksand. I am so grateful for God’s grace and peace which allowed me to push through this season of waiting and for His perfect timing with this blessing.
I don’t know what you are struggling against–a health issue, a sick family member, a job opportunity or loss, depression, or even just the weight of all the “little” things. I just want you to know that you don’t have to do it all, know the answer, or even have a plan. All you have to do is take a step.
Pray for the grace for today–for right this moment. He is faithful to give you just what you need, although it might not be all you want. Allow yourself to be content with the small victories, and just focus on trying every day to make progress of some kind. It adds up, and it makes a difference in both your home and your spirit.